Saturday, August 15, 2009

Out of Control

August 5, 2009. Our thirty-first wedding anniversary. One week later, we had a big, big conversation. Aka argument. And of course it was his fault. Well, no. Actually, it was mine. Everything was going along all anniversary lovey-dovey when my darling husband told me that he was going to build a storage shed. You're probably thinking that this is a great idea and that I should encourage him to go for it. And you are so right. That's what I should have done. That's what I wish that I had done. But, that's not what I did. Instead, I responded to this news flash by providing him with a very specific, verbal list of around-the-house projects that I wanted him to do. For me. First. You know that kind of list. You may have one of your own. Just a few littlebitty things. No big deal. Right? To me, no. To you, no. To him. A real big deal. He said, "Why do you want to control me? Do I do that to you? When you started running and blogging, did I give you a list of things that you needed to do first?" Ouchie. Ouch. Ouch. That word. Control. That's the one that hurts. Because I have a tendency to get out of control when it comes to control. If I begin a new endeavor, he encourages me. He doesn't interrogate me: When are you going to this or that for me? But for some reason, I think that he should live and work according to my definition of how, when, and where. By imposing my agenda on him. My time frame. My perceived needs. I trivialized his proposed plan. I want my way. Even if I must manipulate or maneuver. And the truth is that, occasionally, I'm like that with God. I disregard God's plans for both my family and me. Plans that He ordained before I was ever born. Plans that promise a future and hope. Plans that come straight from His heart. God has wonderful plans like these for you too. And He desires to accomplish them in our lives. But we need to give Him control. "Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you" (Psalm 32: 10). God doesn't force us to let Him take control. He wants us to willingly give Him control. By nature, I like organization and order. That's a good thing. But when I find myself controlling others and trying to orchestrate the outcome of situations based on my finite--and usually inaccurate--knowledge, then I've crossed the line into God's business. I can't do God's job. He's in charge. He's in control. And because He's got everything under control. It's ok for me to be out of control. Sweet dreams, Deb p.s. We made up! We always do. And he's going to build that shed. Whenever. He wants to!


  1. So, so true! When will we learn to step aside and let God's plans come first? If I could learn

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest! Have a terrific day, and God bless!

  2. What a lesson all of us sinful humans could learn.

    Thank you for the comment and visiting my blog.

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest to you!

  3. Happy SITS Saturday to you! I love this post. I am a control freak as well.

  4. Thanks, for visiting my blog! Wow, thirty one years of marriage. Congratulations!!!
    I really enjoyed this post, I've had that same argument with my husband. Lol They always think we're trying to control them. :-) Following you back!

  5. Congratulations dear one! Such a celebration.

    Thanks for sharing real life with us, pointing to God's Word, and being transparent and humble enough to admit your mistakes.

    You are discipling us, and my generation needs good teachers.

    Blessings from Costa Rica,
    Sarah Dawn

  6. It is so hard to let go, isn't it?! I like the saying, "Let go, and let God".

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

  7. You barely look 31, let alone married for 31 years. I think it is so great beautiful that you are still so in love after 3 decades. That is awesome.

    Thanks for visiting my page. I'm not officially connected with any schools or homeschool educators, but I so want to be. I really try to reach young people, teens especially in outdoor education.

    But I'm working on it.
    Happy SITS Sharefest Saturday

  8. Are you talking about me or you! :)

  9. Happy Wedding Anniversary, dear Deb.

    This was such a good post, and one I can relate to.

    There are just too many real life lessons we can apply in our own relationship with God.

    I always appreciate your perceptive heart.

    Blessings on your week. I think often of you.


  10. Happy Anniversary!

    This is a great post. Control. An issue I fight with everyday. I too am organized and like things orderly. And I all too often "cross the line into God's business." Ouch. Yuck.

    Thank you for sharing your heart, life and insight with the world. Bold and courageous.

    Cory =)

  11. Happy anniversary, dear friend!

    I love your post. It is so full of heart, so sincere, so true!!! Of all of us!

    And yes, I know the pain! The realization of my own faults and failures! The coming to grips with trying to control what should be uncontrollable.

    Thank you for sharing your heart, Deb.

    Take care, and have a wonderful day!

    In Jesus,


    P.S. I have almost finished my next post, and it's entitled "Crossing the Line." :)

  12. Are you reading my mind? Better yet, have you been in my house lately? I'm all about order and doing things my way and have learned some very difficult lessons along these lines. These have been "trying" days for this woman who is prone to control. So much of life has existed beyond my control; thus, the need to bend and bow to "keeping the peace" rather than stirring the pot.

    It's good to know that I'm not alone; still and yet, I wish the struggle were less.

    Have a great week, Deb.


  13. This really made me do a double take on my marriage and relationship with God. We are selfish by nature but we have to overcome! Thanks for the great post, I really needed it! Happy Anniversary

  14. Happy Anniversary! Usually when I get mad at my husband, 90% of it is my problem. I have a list, too. Sometimes I feel so burdened, that I don't realize he has his burdens, too. Thank goodness, I might pop off, then I take it to God, then I apologize! It's also hard not to control their schedules when we've spent how many years controlling our children's schedule until they grow up. How do you tell a CEO to stop running the show?

    It sounds like you'll have a very productive 32nd year!

    May blessings fall like the rain outside my window--abundantly:)

  15. Oh, my goodness. Will you stay out of my business? I'd accuse you of stealing my journal but I haven't written in it in awhile. I have literally been wrestling with God as of late and this is one of the issues that I keep running into like a concrete wall. (The fact that I keep wrestling with God is a pretty good indicator of a control problem, isn't it?) I would never describe myself as a control freak...but maybe that's because I'm used to getting my way.

  16. To clarify, although I said "literally wrestling," I'm, of course not literally wrestling God. I'm not Jacob. It sure feels like real wrestling though.

  17. Oh Deb, this is such a good post...

    ...and so timely for me. I talked to my husband tonight on the phone while he was at work, and he wants to do something on the night we normally have bible study. He hasn't been coming for a while... but wants to do a special dinner for his folks that night... so he mentioned that I "could" skip study if I wanted, or could bring the study out to his folks... well, I wasn't so gung-ho on that whole idea. then I read your comment on my post, which prompted me to come here and comment back, and then I read this post... sigh.

    I think I will surprise my husband. (though it's going to be really hard to give up something like this...) I will make all the calls to get our small group's potluck supper all set (like i always do) and then let them know that I will not be there... and stay with my hubby and family that night. That's really hard for me to do, because small group is the only Christian fellowship I get outside of brief contact Sundays at church... for the whole week.

    Thanks for convicting me... :) :/
    Oh, and no these posts aren't something Lysa taught. They have kind of been writing themselves that way. Seriously, i never plan where I am going to stop. It just kinda happens. And I stop, planning to write again the next day, and well suddenly I am getting emails about what's going to happen next!!! :)

    I promise, I plan to write soon! I hope I can do it tomorrow during the day, or Wednesday at some point. (tonight is too late to write what I need to!)

    God bless,

  18. It's hard to have such a mirror put before me but if it helps, just know you aren't alone in things like this.

    Happy anniversary, too. We also celebrated our 31st this year.

  19. Happy Anniversary Deb...

    I'm only 2 years ahead of you..LOL

    Great post and it really touched my heart..thank you for that!


  20. sweetest milestone ever, giving up control! one of the heaviest, therefore SO freeing to dump *grin*.

  21. Just stopping by to say hello! I hope you have an amazing weekend. You deserve it!


    Teresa <><

  22. wow.

    this is so true. I wish I had read that post a week ago. I struggle SO MUCH with trying to push my timetable to God. I have really been working on it lately. thanks for the verse.

    (below you at SITS roll call.)

  23. "Do no be like the horse or mule" - ouch to that. I sometimes have to be brought along like that. Been in one of those places for what seems like a long time now, waiting and waiting for Him to let me in on the plan. In God-years, not really so long. I want to keep riding it out with Him and see what He does but admit sometimes with the waiting I strain at the bit. Good reminder, as always. Thanks Deb.

  24. Thank you for the post to my blog and for praying!!! God Bless, Sandra