Wednesday, May 27, 2009


Sometimes, I doubt the dream. I don't want to waver, but I do. I try to walk in faith. So, believing. I write in my journals. Write blog posts. Read. Study. And pray. Things go along ok for awhile. Then one day I wake up, and there's the doubt. Inside me. Drowning all hope. Leaving desperation. Despair. Depression. I don't want to live like this. Is there a way out? I remember what He said to me almost two years ago. I wrote His words in my journal. I am your Strength. I am your Fortress. I am your loving God. Watch me. Let me show you that I am your strength, that I am your fortress, that I am your loving God. Give me control so that I can show you that I am all of these things and more. Give me control. Watch me. Let me make you into the writer that you desire to become--that I desire for you to become. Incredible, isn't it? I'm just an ordinary woman. Who am I that the Lord God--the Creator of the universe--the great I AM--should stoop to address me? Should speak to me personally. But He did. So, why do I still doubt Him? I mean that's who I'm really doubting. Because He's the One who put the dream in my heart. I just do. I believe Him, but I still struggle. Does that make any sense? And for me doubting usually leads to pouting. Then to pity. But when I go to the Word. Cry to Him. Confess. He hears. He comforts. He's been near the whole time. "Be not far from me, O God: come quickly, O my God, to help me" (Psalm 70:12). God is near to you, too. He wants to help you. He has words for you. He has a plan for you. Jesus said that He wants to give us life. Life to the full. No doubt about that. Sweet dreams, Deb


  1. Amen! Thank you for your transparency. I feel your pain. I love the Scripture you used. Here's another of my favorites for "such a time as this"..."The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit". Ps. 34:18 (NASB).

  2. I really don't have any writing goals and haven't looked for any support other than for the papers I have to write for graduate school. I started my blog in March 2008, but really don't have a desire to write my own works so much as to share the Good News with all who visit my blog and write about what He's teaching me in my life.

    At some point I would like to work more on writing skills, but I am just getting started again.

  3. Deb,

    Thank you for taking time to complete my survey online and to share your heart with me in a comment. You are so right about doubt. One morning you just wake up and there it is hovering over you whispering criticsm, questions and uncertainty. You know that whisper is of the enemy. Jesus would never say those things to you. But as you have discovered doubt can be the very thing that ushers us straight into the Father's embrace, to listen to Him assure us of the truth.

    Keep writing and sharing your beautiful heart. I love your post on perfection, too!

    Hugs and blessings,

  4. Hey mom I really like this one about doubt. The one about grandma made me cry the first time i read it and a week later when i read it again. Trey

  5. Trey,

    I know how much you love Grandma; she loved you so much too. Remember how she made you PB&J sandwiches after school. Not just one, but however many you wanted.

    I love you. I'm so glad that God chose me to be your mom.